I Was Sad -- A BAD Paragraph: A Writing Lesson

     I am up to my neck in writing.  My head is swirling with thoughts about writing.  My brain is exploding with writing thoughts.  I have little scraps of paper everywhere.  They say things like, "Exposition -- what we do most" and "must PLAN" and "same persuasive letter -- 2 audiences" and "the best way to get better is to DO ie. piano, math, instrument, writing."  

     You see, this Friday, I begin teaching two writing classes to intermediate students at our homeschool co-op.

     Today, I typed up our first activity.  Sometimes the best way to teach a subject is to show the students what NOT to do.  I had so much fun with it that I had to share it with you!  Feel free to use it with your own students.

     Have the student read the paragraph out loud, and then do the activity at the bottom.

I Was Sad

By Mrs. Mullin

     I am supposed to write about a time I was sad recently.  Here goes,  Today, I took down my Christmas tree.  that made me sad.  I took off all the ownamants.  There weas a lot of them.  It was empty.  I looked at the tree.  It made me sad.  It was bare.  And plain.  Just green with lights.  Other people were watching football.  It reminded me that i have to wait a long time until christmas comes back.  Isn’t that sad?  No more family time.  My in-laws came for the holidays. No more free time.  School is starting back, too.  Oh, and the presents.  I have to wait to get more presents.  I can’t wait until my birthday in February.  So, that’s why I was sad recently.

January 7, 2013 

The End

This is a BAD paragraph.

*How many “sentences” are in this paragraph?  _______

*Circle any mistakes that you see.  (Grammar, usage, mechanics)

*Which sentences are completely random?  Write “random” boldly above them.

*Underline the fragments?  A fragment is not a complete sentence. 

*Create a better title.

*Rewrite the pitiful topic sentence: 

*In your group, rewrite this paragraph.  Combine sentences.  Eliminate random thoughts.  Expand sentences.  Add some interesting details.  Oh please – fix this paragraph!