Attention Moms and Dads! Your Teens Need You!

This morning, as I was folding laundry, I sat pondering what someone asked me last night.

“So, is your son as quiet at home as he is here?”

My youngest is playing a small role in a play in our community, and he’s been labelled as quiet.  Wait, what?  Quiet?

That boy hasn’t been quiet a day in his life.  He’s funny, hyper, crazy, loud, and talkative.

At play practice, others see him as quiet.  Quiet.

Time turned back, and I thought about my oldest.  At about the same age, he told me once, with real fear in his words, that he had stage-fright.  I remember thinking, “WHAT!?  You’ve never ever one time been afraid in front of a group of people.”  But for a time, he was, but he’s not anymore.  Now he’s a tour guide at a local cave, and he speaks in front of strangers all day, several times a day.  He’s a born leader.  When he was 5 years old, he could have the entire playground filled with children previously unknown to him playing some game he’d made up.  “Do you want to play with us?” he’d ask perfect strangers.  Yet, for a time, he had stage fright.  It came out of nowhere, and one day it slipped away quietly, and I realized it was gone.

Thinking about my oldest, that’s when it hit me.  These are the days in a young person’s life when he suddenly realizes that others see him.  That what he does is right there in front of the world for everyone to see and judge.  Boys and girls alike suddenly become visible, vulnerable, self-conscious, exposed, scared, worried.

What is it about puberty and hormones that does this?

I have no idea, but what I do know is that these are the days when teenagers becoming young men and women push so hard against their parents, but they need us so very much.  They need us to say, “YES!  You ARE who you once were.  You are funny and bright and capable.”  They want to know that they are loved and cherished even when they push.  They crave acceptance and hugs and encouragement.  Not fake praise, but genuine words of affirmation. 

You CAN do it. 

I believe in you. 

I am on your side.

Tell them what they are good at.  Tell them you love them.  Tell them you are proud when they show compassion, kindness, generosity, and self-control.  Set boundaries.  Push gently.  Encourage.  Exhort.  Praise.  Lift them up.

Then, in time,  prayerfully and with God’s grace, your son or daughter will step confidently out into the world and embrace the gifts that God has blessed him or her with and just be… amazing.

They need you mom and dad.  Your teens need you.

How to Help Your Kids Love the Church

A friend of mine shared a disheartening story with me – a young boy walked into his small group and asked, “What are we going to do today?”  When his leader told him, he replied, “That’s boring,” and proceeded to pout and look … well, bored, during the entire lesson and activity.   Not long ago, a mother told me that her teen child no longer wanted to come to church because it was not interesting, and he didn’t like it. 

Most of us have heard alarming statistics about how our young people are leaving the church and about how our children feel entitled.  So how do we, as parents, help our children learn to love the church?

Why are we here?

First of all, we need to decide why WE are going to church.  Do we go to church out of duty?  Do we go to church to keep our kids out of trouble – to give them something to do – an outlet?  Do we hope that good behavior will rub off on our kids if we go to church?  Do we go to start our week off on a positive note?  Do we go to church to see our friends – or to get adult time away from the kids?  Do we go to church because that’s just the right thing to do? 

Why do we go to church?  I believe we should go to church for two reasons. 

1.  We go to church to worship. 

What is worship?  In the book, Parenting in the Pew, Robbie Castleman says, 

     “Worship is the exercise of our souls in blessing God.  In the Psalms we read or sing, ‘Bless the Lord, O my soul!’  However, our chief concern is usually ‘Bless my soul, O Lord!’

     Encountering the Lord.  Meeting Jesus.  Hearing his voice.  Knowing God.  These expectations of worship are met in hearts that are intent on his blessing.”

Simply put, we don’t go to church service for us.  It’s not about me.  It’s not about you.  It’s about God.   

However, there’s more to Church than Sunday morning worship service.

2.  We go to church to participate in the life of THE church.

What is THE church?

According to my resident PhD, Dr. Mullin (a.k.a. my husband, Miles), “The church has two meanings in the Scripture.  The first meaning references a gathered group of baptized believers covenanted together in order to worship the Lord, administer the ordinances, disciple its members, and bear testimony to Christ.  This is the predominant meaning found in the New Testament.  The second meaning refers to the universal Church which is made up of all believers throughout all ages and all times.  The New Testament depicts membership in the universal church as secured by faith in Jesus Christ and membership in a local church as normal for all believers”

Part of going to church is BEING THE church – a gathered group of believers who come together for encouragement, discipleship, and service.  Given that we go to church to worship and to participate in being the body of believers called the church, what are some ways to teach our children to love the church?

1.  Know why you are there.

Are you coming for the kids programs, the awesome music, or the entertaining pastor, or are you coming to worship the Lord?  Are you there because you want to make business connections or so you can grow in your relationship with the God of the universe?  As the parent, you need to check your own heart and make sure you are in church for the right reasons.

2.  Ask the right questions

A few years ago, I realized that I was asking my kids a toxic question.   When I picked them up from a church activity, I would ask, “Did you have fun?”  THIS is NOT why we go to church. (See above).  Asking such a dumb question was just reinforcing exactly what I didn’t want them to believe – that church is about having fun.  I realized I needed to ask the right questions.  Here are just some of the questions that I try to ask now.

What was your Bible study about tonight?

Did you learn anything new this morning?

Were there any visitors in your class?

Did you meet anyone new?

What was your favorite part of worship today?

What was your favorite song?

Did anything about the sermon stand out to you?

Are there any prayer requests we should pray about as a family?

3.  Watch your words

Think about how you talk about your church to others.  If you describe your church as being a great place because they’re so many fun things to do, children will get a wrong idea about church and its function.  If you get in the car and complain about the pastor going too long or the music being sort of “blah today” in front of your kids, you will send them a very clear message.  Be careful about how you talk about your church to your family and to your friends. 

4.  Serve

First of all, set an example by serving and then encourage your children to serve.  All children can serve in some way.  Be on the lookout for ways your child can serve. 

My youngest told me once that he didn’t particularly like a certain ministry we were doing.  So I said, “Oh dear.  I hate for you to not to LIKE something.  Let’s just quit.”  “OK, pray and ask God what other ministry you should be involved in then.” 

The Bible says that all believers in a body have a role to play.  I personally believe this also applies to children who have accepted Jesus as their Savior and Lord.   Romans 12:4-6 says “For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.  Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith.”

Young children can make shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child, visit shut-ins, or choose items for a food pantry.  Older children can help set up tables and chairs, clean pews, and participate in outreach ministries.  Teenagers can do practically anything an adult can do – mission trips, music ministry, nursery work, etc. 

When my oldest was four years old, we “adopted” a shut-in named Miss Ruby.  Miss Ruby had never married and was 93 years old.  She loved it when we would visit, and his cute little boy face brightened her day.  That is serving.

5.  Pray

Pray for your church, your pastor, your outreaches, your missionaries, and your church family members.  Pray with your children about your church often so they learn by example that the church is dear to us and should be lifted up to our Father.

There is no guarantee that your children will grow up and “stay in church,” but we as parents can help our children have a proper view of church and its function by first understanding it ourselves and then by asking the right questions, watching what we say about the church, serving in our church, and praying for our church.

Demonstrating God's Love: 1 Corinthians 13 -- A Family Activity

We put the verses on the fridge.

     We did something wonderful last week.  We worked hard at catching each other in the act!

     Allow me to explain.  Kyle, our youth pastor, challenged some families with youth to try out the book  Ideas for Parents by Mark Matlock and Christopher Lyon.  After skimming the book, my husband, Miles, chose the activity "Fill the Love Jar."  After reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Miles explained that for the next week, we would be watching each other and looking for examples of others in our family demonstrating the principles in these verses.  So, for example, if you see someone being patient, you should take a minute to write it down and put it in the container.  After one week, we would read them all.  

     Miles put The Mullins Demonstrating God's Love (1 Corinthians 13) Jar on the kitchen table along with some index cards and a pen.  He printed the verses out for each of us and put a copy on the fridge.  Then the fun began. 
     
     During the week, each of use wrote down when we saw 1 Corinthians 13 being lived out in someone else. We all did our best to put in at least one card every day. At the end of the week, our container held 39 cards.  After lunch on Sunday, Miles opened the jar and read them all.  

The Mullins Demonstrating God's Love Jar

     It was incredibly affirming.  Here are a few:

*Darius very patiently tried to help Titus pick out clothes today. -- Mommy
*Darius lowered the basketball hoop for Titus even though he preferred to do something else ("does not insist on its own way") -- Daddy
*Titus came out and did basketball with me (even before Daddy went out). -- Darius
*Darius played with me even though he didn't want to. -- Titus
*Miles makes the coffee almost every morning.  How kind!  -- Jenny
*On Monday, Jenny (Mommy) hoped for a good day of school, even though it was Monday.  -- Miles
*Daddy took me for a walk. -- Titus
*Mommy made dinner for us almost every day. -- Darius
*When Titus was doing his math and geography, Darius was very patient about waiting to practice piano. -- Mommy
*Daddy saved a peice of garlick brad for Mommy. -- Titus
*Titus had a great school day today.  He was not rude or irritable!  Yay Titus! -- Mommy
*Darius didn't brag, even though he did a great job on his Spanish Quiz. -- Daddy

     How awesome is that!  We had 39 examples of our family living out 1 Corinthians 13.  We decided we need to do this again -- maybe several times a year!

     With Valentine's Day right around the corner, perhaps you and your family should try it, too!

Lunchtime Conversations: MLK, Jesus, Race, and Jokes

     Today, at lunch, my husband asked our boys if they knew what day it was.  My youngest ran to the calendar and said, “Martin Luther King Day.”  My husband asked him if he knew who Martin Luther King, Jr. was.  He replied, “A president?  Jesus?” 

     “Jesus?!  Why in the world would you think he was Jesus?”

     “I don’t know.”  (Personally, I think he was giving the Sunday School answer – when in doubt, say “Jesus.”)

     The conversation continued with a short history of the Civil War, segregation, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  My husband ended by saying something about not looking at someone’s outside or their race.

     “What is ‘race’”? my youngest asked sincerely.

     We looked at each other, wondering, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing that he doesn’t know what ‘race’ is?”

     After an explanation of “race,” my husband said, “That’s why we should never tell jokes about someone’s race.  It’s not funny or kind.  Have either of you ever heard someone make jokes about someone’s race?”

     My youngest piped up.  “Oh dear.  I’ve heard one.  If you’re an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?”  Pause.

     “European.”

     I exploded in laughter, and well, that was the end of our history lesson!

     Ahhhh, life with boys.

     On a more serious note, here is a link to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech.  He was an incredible speaker!

Thanksgiving Journal

     Since 2004, our family has kept a Thanksgiving journal.  Each of us goes around and tells what we are thankful for after our Thanksgiving meal while one of us records our responses in a journal.  If we have company, we invite them to join us in being thankful.  Last year, we read through our Thanksgiving journal, going back several years.  When we read through mine, I had said that I was thankful "for a car that works" every year.  We thought that was hilarious.  I worded it the exact same way every time.  I was also thankful for chocolate and coffee, my husband and boys.  No surprises there.

     Our boys have been thankful for things like "dry diapers" (when my youngest was 2 we filled in what we thought he would be thankful for!), Sunday School teachers, friends, Legos, a fish named Redeye, Mommy's yeast rolls, candy, Jesus dying on the cross and rising again, penguins, cute little puppy dogs, clean water, and "losing my teeth."  
     
     What are you thankful for this year?

How to Save Money at the Grocery Store

     I've had people ask me how I save money by using coupons.  There are a million sites on how to use coupons, but I am going to attempt to explain my personal system.  It's not that hard, but it takes practice.
     First, you need to know a few things.

1.  Know how much stuff costs.  You can't know if something is a good deal if you don't know what it normally costs.  Years ago, I made a notebook of what our most common purchases cost at different stores.  Now, it's all in my head.

2.  Shop loss leaders.  Now that you know what things cost, you know what a good deal is.  Almost every grocery store flier has items that are loss leaders.  Loss leaders are items sold at cost or below cost to get you in the store, hoping to suck you into buying lots of other things.

3.  Stock up when things go on sale.  Don't buy things you don't need, and pay attention to expiration dates. When things you use a lot go on sale for really cheap, stock up.  Don't go all "extreme couponing," but buy enough to last you a while.  For example, I always keep 2 laundry detergents.  When one gets low, I start looking for sales on another.  This past week, All detergent was $2.99, and I had a coupon for "buy 2 get $1.00 off," so I got two.  I never ever pay full price for something like detergent, deodorant, soap, or toothpaste.

4.  Know when things go on sale.  Baking supplies, cream soups, canned soups,  broth, etc. go on sale from November until  Christmas.  Hot dogs, condiments, etc. go on sale around Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day.  Here in Texas, we have items such as Spam that go on sale at the start of hurricane season.

5.  Meal plan around sales.  

6.  Buy the Sunday paper with the coupons.  I have it delivered at my home for $1 a week.

7.  Sign up your Kroger card online.  They will send you their coupons in the mail, or coupons to your e-mail box.  Yesterday, I got a "digital" coupon offer in my box for buy $5 off produce, get $2 off.  



     This is what I did Monday, November 5th.  I find that Kroger has the best overall prices and deals, so I mainly shop there.

1.  I looked at Kroger's sales flier and circled all items that were a great deal.  They were having a "buy 10 participating items, save $5 at the checkout" sale.

2.  I went to couponmom.com, logged in, clicked on "Grocery Deals by State," clicked on the Kroger icon, and clicked "Texas Deals" on the right.  Current Kroger Deals popped up.  I clicked on the left hand side anything that looks like a good deal and that we use.  Then at the bottom, click "Display Selected Deals."  Print.  I also took the time to print out any online coupons that were listed. 

3.  I went to Kroger's website and loaded some of their digital coupons onto my card.  Didn't use them.

4.  Coupon clipping.  I used my deals from couponmom.com to find the coupons in my coupon fliers/booklets.  I write the date on the front of each coupon flier.  Then I use the "code" on the side of the couponmom.com print-out to find the coupon I need -- rather than cut out all the coupons.  So, the couponmom.com print-out looks like this:

10-28 RP

DiGiorno Pizza 12.6-34.2 oz Qualifies for Buy 10 Get $5 Off at checkout, final price after promo savings

$1.00

2

$4.77

$4.27

29%

The coupon I need for the DiGiorno Pizza is in the 10-28 packet of Red Plum coupons.  I get that packet of coupons out of my folder, find the Digiorno coupon, and clip it.  You'll also get SmartSource and other coupons.  (I do not have time to cut out and organize every coupon.  This way works for me.)

5.  I went through coupons I got from Kroger in the mail and pulled out ones I could use.  They usually send ones that correspond with the sales.

     All this took me about 40 minutes.  I took my list and my youngest son and headed to the store.  As I purchased items from the "Buy 10 get $5 off" sale, I put a tally mark on my list.  I bought 60 of those items.  I spent $94.61.  I saved $86.57 or 47%.  I only used $8.30 in manufacturers coupons -- mostly I took advantage of the loss leaders in the Kroger flier.  Campbells cream of Mushroom and chicken are on sale for 50 cents.  I use this a lot so I bought 10.  Land O' Lakes butter was $1.99 -- I bought 4.  I got a free tube of toothpaste and a free toothbrush.  I put those in our Operation Christmas Child shoebox gifts.
     This will take you longer than 40 minutes to start out, but it gets easier.  I think 40 minutes of work to save $86 is not so bad!

   

Waging a War Against a False Sense of Entitlement

    Our society lives and breathes a false sense of entitlement.  It's false because it's not true.  It goes something like this:  I want it so I deserve it and someone will get it for me.  No need to earn it.  No need to work hard.  No need to wait on the Lord.  So how do we fight against a false sense of entitlement?

 1.  Don't make it so easy.
     I remember when the Atari came out.  Oh my goodness!  We thought that was the coolest thing ever.  My three sisters and I wanted one.  We wanted one bad.  My dad got one of those cans with the plastic lid, cut a hole in the top of the plastic lid to make it look like a bank, and told us that we could buy it when we'd saved up for it.  We saved and saved and saved and saved.  I can't remember exactly the cost, but I remember it took us about a year to save up the money.  Then we bought it, and we loved it.  I played Pac-Man until I had a blister on the inside of my thumb from the joystick.  The Atari was the greatest invention ever.
     A few years ago, my boys wanted a Wii.  My husband got one of those cans with the plastic lid, cut a hole in the top of the plastic lid to make it look like a bank, and told them that we could buy it when we'd saved up for it.  (Yep, he knew the Atari-story.)  It took us about nine months, and the day we bought it, the boys were so happy.  The waiting and the family effort of working and saving for something was fun and taught the boys the discipline of saving for something they wanted, even if it took a really long time.
     The point of this long story:  Don't make it so easy for your kids to have all those things they really, really want.  There is something good about saving and waiting -- and waiting and waiting.

2.  Don't be afraid to say no.
     Sometimes your kids don't need that stuff at all.  They don't have to go to every activity.  They are not entitled to play computer games all day.  Say no.  

3.  Make them do chores.
     Teach your children to do chores because they are members of your family.  Things need to be done, and they need to help.

4.  Don't make excuses for their bad behavior.
     Adam said it was Eve's fault.  Eve said it was the snake's fault.  Since the beginning of history, humans do not want to take responsibility for their bad behavior.  Don't enable that.

5.  Don't bail them out all the time.
     Sometimes they will make mistakes that cost time, energy, and grades.  Don't bail them out all the time.  It's ok to fail.  Painful for the parent, but ok.  

6.  Teach them the value of money.
     When young, teach them the value of money in terms they will understand.  "I can buy three bags of Kroger brand of pretzels or one of this brand for the same amount of money.  Which is a better deal?"  Last week, I took my youngest to the grocery store and he wanted some Little Debbie's Christmas cakes that were on sale for 3 for $5.  The Christmas tree shapes had 5 in the package.  The same cakes in a six-sided shape had 10 in a package.  He went with the 10 after I pointed out he could get way more for the same amount of money!
     When they are older, make them save up for stuff they want -- even if it takes a long time.  I am surprised by the number of teenagers who have no concept of what things cost.

7.  Get over the guilt.
     Who cares if everyone else is doing it or that everyone else has one.  You need to stand firm and be the parent.  It's ok.  They will not die if they don't get everything they want.  It's good for them.  Don't feel guilty.  

8.  Encourage ministry to those less fortunate.
     Do an Operation Christmas Child shoebox every Christmas.  Help a needy family through your church.  Take them to a food pantry or a soup kitchen to volunteer.  Help them see that they are truly blessed.
   
   
     So what do you want your kids to learn about money and stuff.  Think through what you want them to know and believe, remembering that a sense of entitlement can strangle the Holy Spirit.  Then go from there.  We know stuff doesn't make us happy and true happiness comes from trusting in God -- let's live that out and train our kids to do the same.

For more:  
Entitlement -- Strangling the Holy Spirit
Entitlement Vs. Waiting on and Trusting in the Lord

Entitlement vs. Waiting On and Trusting in the Lord

Entitlement: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

     For a few months now, the subject of entitlement has been wandering around slowly in my head.  The subject keeps making appearances in my psyche, and I've been trying to put my random thoughts into some sort of order.  On Sunday, I heard Joanne Kraft discuss entitlement and how the attitude robs our children and strangles the Holy Spirit.  I keep turning this over in my mind, and it seems to me that entitlement seems to go hand-in-hand with not wanting to wait and a lack of trust.

     I ended my last blog post by saying, "it seems, the enemy has done more to harm us through this suburban-lifestyle-entitlement-stuff than we can imagine.  I'm pondering all this, but I think it has to do with waiting.  Waiting for stuff.  Waiting on the Lord.  Waiting."

     We are always in a hurry, but entitlement is the "belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges" -- not only that we are entitled to privileges and things, but we are entitled to them now, not later.  We expect what we want when we want it.  I think texting and e-mailing and googling has added fuel to this fire of needing, wanting, demanding everything now and fast.  It used to be that if someone called you and you called back in a day or two, that was ok.  Now, we're like, "She didn't call me back for 2 days!"  We expect that we will get a text response immediately, or we're being ignored.  We expect stuff now.  Right now.  Life seems urgent, hurried.

     I was going to say that this attitude of entitlement is a kid-thing, but I think it's a people-thing.  No one wants to wait anymore for anything ever.  How does entitlement strangle the Holy Spirit?

     God doesn't work on our time table.  He's not in a hurry. The more time goes on and technology makes life "easier," the harder it is to wait for anything, and waiting on the Lord and His timing becomes harder and harder and harder.  I think, when we don't have time to wait, we don't have time to trust, and then we strangle the Holy Spirit because He doesn't work as fast as we want Him to.  He's not fast enough, and we try to speed things up and get ourselves in all sorts of trouble.

          Therefore, when God isn't fast enough, we lose trust.  If we believe we are entitled to things when we want them, then we get angry at God if we don't get them when we are ready to have them.  We don't trust that He knows what He is doing and that waiting might be good for us -- or that thing or job or relationship might not be what we really need at all.  Eventually, the entitlement attitude in our kids will translate to a lack of trust in the Lord as they become adults.

     So maybe a lesson we need to teach our children in this society is how to wait.  How to slow down.  Maybe we all need to practice waiting. 

    

     Waiting.... for stuff.  Waiting on the Lord.  Waiting.

Noah waited for rain while people mocked him every day.
Abraham waited for his son, Isaac.
David waited to be king on God's timetable while Saul tried to kill him over and over.
Jesus waited to begin His ministry until 30 years old.
Paul was prohibited to preach the word in Asia even though he really wanted to.

Isaiah 40:31  but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

     How do we teach our kids to wait?  How do we teach them to trust in the Lord NOW for the little things so they are not afraid of waiting for big things later?   

     More later.

Entitlement -- Strangling the Holy Spirit

Entitlement: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

     Last night, I was listening to Family Life on the radio, and I heard an interview with Joanne Kraft about her book Just Too Busy:  Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical.  The book sounds interesting, but what caught my attention was a short tangent from discussing the book. 
     Some friends of the family asked her son if he could come to Australia and be a jackeroo on their 3,000 acre sheep ranch.  The son figured he needed $1200 to go and asked his dad to pay.  His dad responded, “You know what, son, I can pay for that, but I’m not going to pay for that. That’s between you and the Lord.”  The son was shocked and replied, “But Dad, I’m only 15! How am I going to earn money to go?”  Well, with hard work and faith that God could provide, her son earned the money for the trip. At the end of the story, Joanne Kraft said this:


"I tell this story, when I share with parents at conferences or at women’s conferences, about entitlement and how we are robbing from our children....We’re stealing opportunities. We’re really strangling the Holy Spirit. How do we expect to raise independent, God-honoring, hard-working children if we don’t allow them those opportunities? We can’t expect our kids to want to lean on God if they’re not doing it now....We do, we steal from our kids."

     Stealing from our kids.  

     I've been tossing the idea of entitlement around in my head for a couple of weeks now.  I've heard parents tell stories of kids who beg for a toy and then play with it for a day and then they're done.  I've heard parents say they are afraid to say no to their teenagers.  I've heard of teenagers who have no idea how much their car insurance costs their parents.  In my gut, it seems that all this is unhealthy, bad for our kids like eating too much candy or drinking too much soda, but it's much worse than I thought.

     Strangling the Holy Spirit.

     Beyond fostering ingratitude and unhealthy attitudes about stuff and life and work and responsibility, we are "strangling the Holy Spirit" when we give in to and encourage, however indirectly and unintentionally, attitudes of entitlement in our children.  

     Interesting.  So, it seems, the enemy has done more to harm us through this suburban-lifestyle-entitlement-stuff than we can imagine.  I'm pondering all this, but I think it has to do with waiting.  Waiting for stuff.  Waiting on the Lord.  Waiting.  

    More later.

Perspective: FWPs -- First World Problems

     Last week, I went to Sam's Club and bought about 10 pounds of ground beef.  I made 8 hamburger patties and decided to brown, season, and freeze the rest.  As I was trying to brown, oh about 6 pounds of ground beef in a big ole pot, I was getting increasingly frustrated.  I had put too much in, it was hard to stir, I was burning the bottom and not getting the top cooked at all, and I began to mumble to myself something that sounded like this, "Dadgummit.  Why won't this stuff ... ahh... that hurt.  Man, this is frustrating.  Arggg.  This is taking forever!"   And then it hit me:  I am standing here grumbling about browning meat to freeze for my family to eat over the next few weeks when there are people in the world who do not have food to eat at all.
     First World Problem.
     A few weeks prior, my cell phone time kept getting mixed up on my text messages so they were all jumbled up and I could NOT for the life of me follow a conversation.  My husband texted:  "FWP."  
     First World Problem.
     I can't figure out what to wear.  First World Problem.
     I need to exercise more.  First World Problem.
     My grass is dying.  First World Problem.
     My computer is so old.  First World Problem.
     Where should we go out to eat?.  First World Problem.
     Gas is so expensive.  First World Problem.
     I really need a pedicure, but I'm too busy.  First World Problem.
     We are out of garlic bread, and I was going to make spaghetti for dinner.  First World Problem.
     I am having such a bad hair day.  First World Problem.
     My health insurance premium is going up.  First World Problem.
     Oh no!  We're out of coffee!  Yes, even this is a First World Problem.
              
     A First World country is a country that is developed, industrialized, and well, rich.  The opposite would be a Third-World country which is an underdeveloped country marked by poverty.  Watch this:    

     I have a toilet that flushes, a car to drive, clean water to drink, and a refrigerator with food in it.  I have more than enough clothes, a roof over my head, and a bed to sleep in.  I take my kids to the doctor when they are sick, and I buy them presents for Christmas, their birthdays, Easter, Valentine's Day, and just because.  I can read and write, my children are being educated, and my sons get more allowance in a week than a billion people in the world live on in a week.  I throw food away.  I have electricity.  My children do not have to work so we can survive.

I am blessed.

So many in the world are not.
Perspective.

Samaritan's Purse Giving Catalog

Operation Christmas Child

Compassion International -- Sponsor a Child

The Blame Game: A Lesson in Taking Responsibility

     Last December, three weeks before I put a hole in my bumper, I was in another car accident.  I was waiting to turn left onto El Camino Real at about 6:00 p.m. on a Friday.  The traffic was insane, and I remarked to my children, "I shouldn't have come this way.  This is dangerous."  I actually checked behind me to see if I could turn around.  The woman in front of me, driving a very big Mercury Mountaineer, pulled into the median to try to get across.  She realized that, not only was she not going to make it, but that her big vehicle was blocking oncoming traffic.  She put her vehicle in reverse, hit the gas, and slammed into the front end of my car.  The boys and I saw it coming.  I screamed, "She's going to hit us," honked the horn, and braced myself.
     She did over $1200 damage to the front end of my car, and after about ten days of trying to reach her by phone, her insurance company had to go to her house.  She told them that I rear-ended her.  She lied.
     She said she was sitting still, and I rear-ended her.  Despite the fact that I had two witnesses in my car, they said it was her word against mine, and her insurance would not pay.
     She lied, and we had to bear the burden for her choice to not accept responsibility for her actions.  For months after the accident, my youngest son flinched and grimaced every time he saw someone brake in front of us.  We had to pay our $250 deductible to have the car fixed.  We had to do without our car for a week while the vehicle was in the shop.  I currently have a huge hole in my back bumper because the second accident, which was my fault, happened three weeks after the first, and I didn't want them to think I was lying the first time, so I didn't claim it.
     She lied.  The injustice of it really rocked my boys' world.  They didn't understand it.  Why?  Why would she lie?  "Why?" they have asked me over and over again, especially my youngest.  He wanted to canvass the neighborhood, find witnesses, prove our innocence, hold her accountable.
     She refused to take responsibility when it meant repercussions for her.  She blamed someone else for her mistake.  She was selfish.  Who knows?  Maybe she was going to have a serious insurance hike if she was in one more accident, but still, shouldn't we do the right thing, tell the truth, no matter what?
     Ever since that accident, this woman has become the poster-child, in our family, for NOT doing the right thing, NOT taking responsibility for our actions, NOT admitting we are wrong even when it means getting in trouble, and NOT being willing to make it right with the person that we have wronged.  I've explained that this is an issue that goes back to, well, Adam and Eve.
     So, I guess, in the spirit of Romans 8:28, thank you God for giving my boys a very real, tangible lesson on owning up, making things right, and doing the right thing at all costs.  I have used the example of this woman over and over again when one son blames another for his own sin, when one of the boys refuses to admit wrongdoing, when one is making an excuse for bad behavior, when one son needs to make it right -- or when one of the boys is trying to make sense of why someone he knows will not take responsibility.  Adam and Eve, Aaron and the golden calf that just "jumped" out of the fire, Saul who offered the sacrifice because Samuel took too long, and a woman who said she was rear-ended to avoid having to be responsible.  
     I pray that my boys will remember this lesson, that it will be a part of who they are, and that they will stand up and be men who take responsibility, even when it's hard, because it's the right thing to do.

Mommy Diary -- Who Am I?

     I came across this journal entry a few weeks ago written when my boys were almost 4 and 21 months (they are 13 and 10 now).  After working as a high school English teacher and the office manager of a hotel management company, staying home with whiny kids and little adult interaction was, well, hard.  I've pondered this journal entry, read over it a few more times, and thought, maybe, just maybe it might help a mom who is struggling like I was.  2 Cor. 1:3-4  says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." May you be comforted.

April 8, 2003
     Yesterday was such a bad day.  My kids whined all day.  I kept losing my patience.  I didn't get anything accomplished.  I went to bed feeling defeated -- a failure as a mother. 
     Depressed!  My husband constantly reminds me that 1st and foremost, I'm staying home for my children -- not a clean house.
     Why can't I get that through my head?  I constantly evaluate my days -- my worth and value-- by the fruits of my labor.  What I can see that I got done -- but when I die, I want to say that my children know the Lord -- that we did our best to teach them about Jesus and His word -- that we tried to teach them honesty, character, integrity, determination, responsibility.
     Lord, help me to see it -- to remember it -- to believe it.  Help me to forget about clean toilets (well, not forever) and get it down to my bones that I am here for my children -- I am home for them!  Then Lord, if you want to teach me how to keep a spotless house, so be it.  If I never learn, give me a peace about it.
     I mean, I want a house that is clean, comfortable.  I don't want to be embarrassed every time someone stops by -- but I need balance -- and I need to go to bed after a day when nothing got accomplished with peace because I took good care of my children.
     Lord, help me to be patient.  Especially with my oldest son with all his energy and three-year-old inquisitiveness.  

I am...
*John 1:12-13 -- a child of God
*John 3:18 -- not condemned
*Ps. 139:13 -- created by God
*Ps. 139:14 -- fearfully and wonderfully made
*Ps. 139:16 -- seen by God before I existed -- all my days are ordained by God
*Romans 8:16-17 -- God's child, heir of God, co-heirs with Christ
*Col. 1:13 -- rescued by God from the dominion of darkness
*Eph. 2:8-10 -- saved by faith -- not by works -- created to do good works
*2. Cor. 5:17 -- a new creation
*Rom. 12:1  -- a living sacrifice
*2 Cor. 5:21 -- the righteousness of God

Stop looking to the world for affirmation.  If I really believed these Scriptures....I would stop feeling so incompetent -- so ugly -- so guilty all the time.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am not condemned.





Note:  My only edits are in italics -- I removed names.

A Commercial for Commercials -- Using Commercials to Train Your Kids in Critical Thinking

     Usually, our family is not much of a television watching family.  However, we have watched the Olympics every night since the opening ceremony.  We have been eating in the living room (which we never normally do) and rooting for the United States with all our hearts.  Watching the Olympics has given us lots of opportunities to discuss hard work, adversity, perseverance, determination, and many other virtues.  On the flip side, the commercials are giving us opportunities to teach our kids some other lessons.  Take, for example, the following scene:
     A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.  A girl notices his choice in beer and is instantly attracted to this man.  She walks over to this man, alluringly.  My husband and I crack up laughing.  
     Actually, we really did crack up, and our kids wanted to know what was so funny, so we asked, "What is this commercial saying?"  Buy this beer -- get this beautiful girl.  Then we discussed, "Is that realistic?  Do you really want to date a girl who is attracted to you because of your beer choice?  Is a bar the best place to meet the girl you want to spend your life with?  Where would be a better place to meet a girl?"  It was an interesting conversation, and my husband and I still crack up every time we see this commercial.
     Today, I was thinking about our discussions about this commercial and others and realized that such discussions are good in other ways as well because we need to teach our kids to think critically about the world around them.  The world bombards them with so many messages, and so much is simply untrue.  Today, I saw this:

That's a really a funny "quote," but at the same time, incredibly sad.  
     Our kids need to know that they should not believe everything they read in print or the internet.  They need to be aware of how advertisers are trying to sway them -- manipulate them.  They need to understand how television shows are insidiously chipping away at family values and replacing them with ideas that are not Biblical by using emotional manipulation and humor.  They need to realize that many people do not hold the same beliefs as they do and how to handle opinions that explicitly contradict their own.  
     As our family watches commercials, I'm thinking about how we can examine the messages those commercials are trying to send in order to help my boys know better how to evaluate the world around them critically with the ultimate goal of strengthening and developing their faith.  Yep, we can train our kids even when watching commercials.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:5-7

Write It Down: Journaling for Your Kids

      The scrapbooking craze began right before my oldest son was born, and I jumped on the bandwagon with all my heart ready to make wonderful scrapbooks filled with journaling in my own hand.  I would create photographic treasures that would live on forever.  I bought albums, pages, special pens and pencils, stickers, templates, punches, rulers, and more.  When he was seven years old, I finished his baby book, and it's truly a work of art.  My youngest son just turned ten, and if I'm lucky, I will start, ahem, finish his baby book before he goes to college.  Can I just say that perfectionists should not be allowed to scrapbook?  However, there is one thing I have been good at -- writing things down.
     I suffer from a bad memory, and I knew I wouldn't remember all those cute little things my boys would do and say.  I wanted to remember them, though, and so I decided to write them down.
     Before both of my sons were born, I purchased blank books to write in.  Each boy has a separate book so someday I can give it to him.  These books were not fancy; in fact, I bought one of them at the Dollar Store and two others at WalMart.  Each of the books begins with the story of his birth.  From there, I have written down lots of firsts -- first cereal, first steps, first visit to church.  I've also recorded their faith journeys which we were able to read to each boy before their joint baptism this past February.  I've written down funny moments galore:  the time my oldest brushed his newborn brother's hair with a toilet bowl brush or scribbled on a stranger's white car with an orange crayon.  I've noted the hilarious things they have said that still crack me up, like the time my youngest was working on his manners and said, "Mommy, I do not like this chicken you made.  Sorry, Ma'am."  I've written about staples in my oldest's head while his dad was in Chicago, and the concussion my youngest got on the basketball court.  I recorded the day my oldest decided to retire the stuffed bear he slept with every night for eleven years, the day I realized his voice was changing, and the day he became taller than me.

     Most importantly, though, those little books are filled with love from this mother's heart:  I love you, I'm so glad God gave you to me, you are so special, I thank God for you, I am so blessed to be your mom, I am so proud of you.
     So, if scrapbooking is not your thing, consider buying a journal and recording all those little moments because over time, they add up to a treasure that will live on forever.  It's not too late to get started!

Are All Teenagers Bad?

     A few years ago, my oldest son and I had a conversation about teenagers.  I'm not sure how it came up or what we were talking about, but I remember vividly this comment:  "Well, that's because they're teenagers, and teenagers do stuff like that because they're, well, bad."  I looked him squarely in the eye and said, "Son, you will be a teenager in a few years, and on the day you turn 13, you will not magically turn 'bad.'"  Thus began our children's education on the nature of teenagers because teenagers are NOT all bad.
     However, for some reason, teenagers have gotten a bad rap.   Society has told us that the teenage years are filled with anger, sullenness, rebellion, and irresponsibility.  Teenagers are considered lazy,  mouthy, morally irresponsible, and incapable of being well-adjusted. Is it possible that we get what we expect?  Somewhere along the line, did we allow moodiness and hormones to become an excuse for bad behavior?  Do we expect the worst and so we get it.  "Oh, he's a teenager.  What do you expect?"
     I expect that my son is not going to be that kind of kid, that's what!
     Benjamin Franklin became an apprentice to his half-brother at the age of 12.  At age 17, he left his brother, a printer, and ran away to Boston.  He got a job working for a printer, went to London, published an almanac, retired at age 42, studied electricity, invented things, became a politician, and helped found our nation.  Today, a seventeen year old is still considered a "baby."  When I married at 22, everyone said, "Why are you getting married?  You're still a baby."  When I was teaching high school at age 22, I was told I was a baby.  What have we done turning 22-year-olds into babies?
     Recently, our church held VBS with about 200 children attending and about 60 workers.  Many of those workers were teenagers.  Our youth pastor told the kids that society portrays teenagers as incapable and with that many teenagers helping VBS, something was bound to go wrong.  However, because of them not in spite of them, VBS went well.  They did a good job, and they should be proud.  This "speech" made an impression on our son, and I want to say, for the record,  "AMEN!"  Teenagers are not all bad.
     So what does the Bible say about youth and teenagers?


Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.   1 Timothy 4:12  (NIV)


When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.  1 Corinthians 13:11  (NIV)  Notice here that there is no in between age filled with angst and irresponsibility.  Paul does not say, "And when I was a teenager, I was an irresponsible rascal and talked back to my mother."
     
13I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I write to you, dear children, because you have known the Father.  14  I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.  1 John 2:13-14  (NIV)  (Underlining is mine.)
     Let's start teaching our children that young men and women, otherwise known as teenagers, can be an example for other believers, can put childish ways behind them, can be strong in the Lord because the word of God lives in them.  Teenagers can be self-disciplined, self-controlled, responsible, dependable, and hard-working.  Teenagers can make a difference in this world for the Lord, so let's start treating them that way.
     Oh, and by the way, my oldest son turned thirteen in May, and I am proud to report that at this very moment, he is helping his father unload a moving truck for a single mother and her two children.  Why?  Because teenagers are NOT all bad!  



     For further reading, Dr. David Alan Black wrote a book called:  The Myth of Adolescence: Raising Responsible Children in an Irresponsible Society.  However, I believe this book is out of print.  He wrote an article summarizing his beliefs called Want to Reform Your Youth Ministry? Reject Adolescence!  


     The authors of Do Hard Things, Alex and Brett Harris, have a wonderful blog.  These articles on the Myth of Adolescence are excellent!  
The Myth of Adolescence Part 1 and The Myth of Adolescence Part 2

     Finally, Sheila Wray Gregoire wrote an excellent blog post called The Curse of Low Expectations for Teens.