Entitlement vs. Waiting On and Trusting in the Lord

Entitlement: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

     For a few months now, the subject of entitlement has been wandering around slowly in my head.  The subject keeps making appearances in my psyche, and I've been trying to put my random thoughts into some sort of order.  On Sunday, I heard Joanne Kraft discuss entitlement and how the attitude robs our children and strangles the Holy Spirit.  I keep turning this over in my mind, and it seems to me that entitlement seems to go hand-in-hand with not wanting to wait and a lack of trust.

     I ended my last blog post by saying, "it seems, the enemy has done more to harm us through this suburban-lifestyle-entitlement-stuff than we can imagine.  I'm pondering all this, but I think it has to do with waiting.  Waiting for stuff.  Waiting on the Lord.  Waiting."

     We are always in a hurry, but entitlement is the "belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges" -- not only that we are entitled to privileges and things, but we are entitled to them now, not later.  We expect what we want when we want it.  I think texting and e-mailing and googling has added fuel to this fire of needing, wanting, demanding everything now and fast.  It used to be that if someone called you and you called back in a day or two, that was ok.  Now, we're like, "She didn't call me back for 2 days!"  We expect that we will get a text response immediately, or we're being ignored.  We expect stuff now.  Right now.  Life seems urgent, hurried.

     I was going to say that this attitude of entitlement is a kid-thing, but I think it's a people-thing.  No one wants to wait anymore for anything ever.  How does entitlement strangle the Holy Spirit?

     God doesn't work on our time table.  He's not in a hurry. The more time goes on and technology makes life "easier," the harder it is to wait for anything, and waiting on the Lord and His timing becomes harder and harder and harder.  I think, when we don't have time to wait, we don't have time to trust, and then we strangle the Holy Spirit because He doesn't work as fast as we want Him to.  He's not fast enough, and we try to speed things up and get ourselves in all sorts of trouble.

          Therefore, when God isn't fast enough, we lose trust.  If we believe we are entitled to things when we want them, then we get angry at God if we don't get them when we are ready to have them.  We don't trust that He knows what He is doing and that waiting might be good for us -- or that thing or job or relationship might not be what we really need at all.  Eventually, the entitlement attitude in our kids will translate to a lack of trust in the Lord as they become adults.

     So maybe a lesson we need to teach our children in this society is how to wait.  How to slow down.  Maybe we all need to practice waiting. 

    

     Waiting.... for stuff.  Waiting on the Lord.  Waiting.

Noah waited for rain while people mocked him every day.
Abraham waited for his son, Isaac.
David waited to be king on God's timetable while Saul tried to kill him over and over.
Jesus waited to begin His ministry until 30 years old.
Paul was prohibited to preach the word in Asia even though he really wanted to.

Isaiah 40:31  but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

     How do we teach our kids to wait?  How do we teach them to trust in the Lord NOW for the little things so they are not afraid of waiting for big things later?   

     More later.

Entitlement -- Strangling the Holy Spirit

Entitlement: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

     Last night, I was listening to Family Life on the radio, and I heard an interview with Joanne Kraft about her book Just Too Busy:  Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical.  The book sounds interesting, but what caught my attention was a short tangent from discussing the book. 
     Some friends of the family asked her son if he could come to Australia and be a jackeroo on their 3,000 acre sheep ranch.  The son figured he needed $1200 to go and asked his dad to pay.  His dad responded, “You know what, son, I can pay for that, but I’m not going to pay for that. That’s between you and the Lord.”  The son was shocked and replied, “But Dad, I’m only 15! How am I going to earn money to go?”  Well, with hard work and faith that God could provide, her son earned the money for the trip. At the end of the story, Joanne Kraft said this:


"I tell this story, when I share with parents at conferences or at women’s conferences, about entitlement and how we are robbing from our children....We’re stealing opportunities. We’re really strangling the Holy Spirit. How do we expect to raise independent, God-honoring, hard-working children if we don’t allow them those opportunities? We can’t expect our kids to want to lean on God if they’re not doing it now....We do, we steal from our kids."

     Stealing from our kids.  

     I've been tossing the idea of entitlement around in my head for a couple of weeks now.  I've heard parents tell stories of kids who beg for a toy and then play with it for a day and then they're done.  I've heard parents say they are afraid to say no to their teenagers.  I've heard of teenagers who have no idea how much their car insurance costs their parents.  In my gut, it seems that all this is unhealthy, bad for our kids like eating too much candy or drinking too much soda, but it's much worse than I thought.

     Strangling the Holy Spirit.

     Beyond fostering ingratitude and unhealthy attitudes about stuff and life and work and responsibility, we are "strangling the Holy Spirit" when we give in to and encourage, however indirectly and unintentionally, attitudes of entitlement in our children.  

     Interesting.  So, it seems, the enemy has done more to harm us through this suburban-lifestyle-entitlement-stuff than we can imagine.  I'm pondering all this, but I think it has to do with waiting.  Waiting for stuff.  Waiting on the Lord.  Waiting.  

    More later.

Perspective: FWPs -- First World Problems

     Last week, I went to Sam's Club and bought about 10 pounds of ground beef.  I made 8 hamburger patties and decided to brown, season, and freeze the rest.  As I was trying to brown, oh about 6 pounds of ground beef in a big ole pot, I was getting increasingly frustrated.  I had put too much in, it was hard to stir, I was burning the bottom and not getting the top cooked at all, and I began to mumble to myself something that sounded like this, "Dadgummit.  Why won't this stuff ... ahh... that hurt.  Man, this is frustrating.  Arggg.  This is taking forever!"   And then it hit me:  I am standing here grumbling about browning meat to freeze for my family to eat over the next few weeks when there are people in the world who do not have food to eat at all.
     First World Problem.
     A few weeks prior, my cell phone time kept getting mixed up on my text messages so they were all jumbled up and I could NOT for the life of me follow a conversation.  My husband texted:  "FWP."  
     First World Problem.
     I can't figure out what to wear.  First World Problem.
     I need to exercise more.  First World Problem.
     My grass is dying.  First World Problem.
     My computer is so old.  First World Problem.
     Where should we go out to eat?.  First World Problem.
     Gas is so expensive.  First World Problem.
     I really need a pedicure, but I'm too busy.  First World Problem.
     We are out of garlic bread, and I was going to make spaghetti for dinner.  First World Problem.
     I am having such a bad hair day.  First World Problem.
     My health insurance premium is going up.  First World Problem.
     Oh no!  We're out of coffee!  Yes, even this is a First World Problem.
              
     A First World country is a country that is developed, industrialized, and well, rich.  The opposite would be a Third-World country which is an underdeveloped country marked by poverty.  Watch this:    

     I have a toilet that flushes, a car to drive, clean water to drink, and a refrigerator with food in it.  I have more than enough clothes, a roof over my head, and a bed to sleep in.  I take my kids to the doctor when they are sick, and I buy them presents for Christmas, their birthdays, Easter, Valentine's Day, and just because.  I can read and write, my children are being educated, and my sons get more allowance in a week than a billion people in the world live on in a week.  I throw food away.  I have electricity.  My children do not have to work so we can survive.

I am blessed.

So many in the world are not.
Perspective.

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How Parenting Shapes Us

     

     Not long ago, while in the midst of a parenting "challenge," my husband reminded me that parenting is to shape the child, but, maybe more importantly, parenting shapes us, the parents.  As Christians, God uses parenting to make us different, better, more like Himself.  

     

1.  Parenting Helps Us Develop the Fruit of the Spirit

     I told someone this past Saturday that by the time by youngest is 18 years old, I will be the most patient person on the planet, and I was serious.  I taught high schoolers in the public school system.  I have worked with all ages of kids in Sunday School, VBS, Children's Church, and the nursery.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared me for a 45 minute temper tantrum because I said, "No."  Nothing prepared me for how enraging it can be for a two-year-old to look you in the face and defy you when you are in a hurry to get somewhere.  Nothing prepared me for the looks you get carrying a screaming three-year-old out of ToysRUs.  Nothing prepared me for cleaning up throw-up on two hours of sleep for the 15th time.  Nothing prepared me for the unconditional love that I would have for my boys, and the joy I would have at their successes.  Patience, gentleness, self-control -- the Holy Spirit uses parenting to develop this fruit in us.   But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galations 5:22-23  (ESV)

  

2.  Parenting Shows Us Our Weaknesses

     Parenting shows us where we need the Lord to refine us.  Do we have anger issues?  Worry issues?  Control issues? Do we use bad language?  When our children start yelling at other drivers, "Hey, jerk!", then we realize we need to watch our mouths.  Often, our children mirror us, and we don't like what we see.  When we see it, we can take it to the Lord and ask Him to help us, so we can be different and so we don't pass down baggage to our children.

3.  Parenting Teaches Us We Are Not in Control

     In our brains, we know God is in control, right?  Parenting confirms this down to the insides of our bones.  Despite parenting books that teach us that we can control our child's behavior if we use their "correct" methodology, parenting makes us realize that we cannot control those little hellions children.  Even harder, we cannot control the child who is bullying our child.  We can't heal our child of an illness.  We can't make a learning disability go away.  We just can't fix everything.  Ultimately, God is in control -- of the universe and of our children.  Parenting can and should help us rely on God to help us, give us strength, give us wisdom, and give us endurance.

     Often, we focus so much on turning out perfect children that we fail to see how God is using parenting to turn us into children who are more like our Father.  So, the next time your son talks back or your daughter refuses to eat her dinner or your son whacks you in the face with a pillow when you're not looking, take a deep breath, pray, and ask your Father to give you what you need to be a godly parent, a godly person, a reflection of Him, and, I believe, He will answer.

The Blame Game: A Lesson in Taking Responsibility

     Last December, three weeks before I put a hole in my bumper, I was in another car accident.  I was waiting to turn left onto El Camino Real at about 6:00 p.m. on a Friday.  The traffic was insane, and I remarked to my children, "I shouldn't have come this way.  This is dangerous."  I actually checked behind me to see if I could turn around.  The woman in front of me, driving a very big Mercury Mountaineer, pulled into the median to try to get across.  She realized that, not only was she not going to make it, but that her big vehicle was blocking oncoming traffic.  She put her vehicle in reverse, hit the gas, and slammed into the front end of my car.  The boys and I saw it coming.  I screamed, "She's going to hit us," honked the horn, and braced myself.
     She did over $1200 damage to the front end of my car, and after about ten days of trying to reach her by phone, her insurance company had to go to her house.  She told them that I rear-ended her.  She lied.
     She said she was sitting still, and I rear-ended her.  Despite the fact that I had two witnesses in my car, they said it was her word against mine, and her insurance would not pay.
     She lied, and we had to bear the burden for her choice to not accept responsibility for her actions.  For months after the accident, my youngest son flinched and grimaced every time he saw someone brake in front of us.  We had to pay our $250 deductible to have the car fixed.  We had to do without our car for a week while the vehicle was in the shop.  I currently have a huge hole in my back bumper because the second accident, which was my fault, happened three weeks after the first, and I didn't want them to think I was lying the first time, so I didn't claim it.
     She lied.  The injustice of it really rocked my boys' world.  They didn't understand it.  Why?  Why would she lie?  "Why?" they have asked me over and over again, especially my youngest.  He wanted to canvass the neighborhood, find witnesses, prove our innocence, hold her accountable.
     She refused to take responsibility when it meant repercussions for her.  She blamed someone else for her mistake.  She was selfish.  Who knows?  Maybe she was going to have a serious insurance hike if she was in one more accident, but still, shouldn't we do the right thing, tell the truth, no matter what?
     Ever since that accident, this woman has become the poster-child, in our family, for NOT doing the right thing, NOT taking responsibility for our actions, NOT admitting we are wrong even when it means getting in trouble, and NOT being willing to make it right with the person that we have wronged.  I've explained that this is an issue that goes back to, well, Adam and Eve.
     So, I guess, in the spirit of Romans 8:28, thank you God for giving my boys a very real, tangible lesson on owning up, making things right, and doing the right thing at all costs.  I have used the example of this woman over and over again when one son blames another for his own sin, when one of the boys refuses to admit wrongdoing, when one is making an excuse for bad behavior, when one son needs to make it right -- or when one of the boys is trying to make sense of why someone he knows will not take responsibility.  Adam and Eve, Aaron and the golden calf that just "jumped" out of the fire, Saul who offered the sacrifice because Samuel took too long, and a woman who said she was rear-ended to avoid having to be responsible.  
     I pray that my boys will remember this lesson, that it will be a part of who they are, and that they will stand up and be men who take responsibility, even when it's hard, because it's the right thing to do.

God Only Gives Us What We Can Handle... Where's That in the Bible?

     I read Dr. James' Dobson's The New Strong-Willed Child years ago because, well, I needed to!  I remember coming away from the book with the quote, "God gave you this child because He knows you can handle it" as my new mantra.  When parenting got tough, I would recite this phrase in my head.  Admittedly, there were many days when I thought God had messed up because I just could not handle it.
     Not too long ago, while running that quote through my head, again, trying to cling to it like I had for many years, I felt God speak to me, quietly:  "Stop clinging to that.  It's not true.  You can only do it through Me."  Sucking in air at the realization, I started turning this over in my mind.  God does NOT give us what we can handle.  We can only handle trials, tribulations, and all that crazy, tough stuff through His power and His strength.
     Feeling mad and frustrated at Dr. Dobson for "hindering" me, I looked up the "quote" in his book.  This is what I found, underlined in the book, by ME, years ago: 

     "When parents bring one of these tough youngsters into the world, they need to recognize that while raising that child may be difficult for a time, it is worth their effort to do the job right.  Their attitude should be, 'The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose.  He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him.  And I'm up to the task.  I'm going to make it with the Lord's help'...if they can perceive their task as a God-given assignment and believe that He's going to help them to fulfill it, then the frustrations become more manageable."  (p. 31, underlining mine)

     Sorry, Dr. Dobson, I've been misquoting you in my head for years.  "I'm up to the task.  I'm going to make it with the Lord's help" is quite different from "God gave you this child because He knows you can handle it."   
     Now, the question comes, why, for years and years, did I misquote that book?
     It is simply so easy for me, maybe for you, too, to try to do things in my own strength -- a job, child-rearing, parenting, illness, marriage, church service, etc.  Isn't it the American Way to pull ourselves up by our boot-straps, get to work, and get it done?  If we work hard enough in school, we can get out of our poor neighborhoods.  If we do our best in sports, maybe we'll get a contract.  If we get into a good college, we can get a good job.  If we work our tails off in a business, we can be rich.  If we would just try harder, we wouldn't be in this mess.  If we read enough parenting books, try enough strategies, pray hard enough, find the right system, our kids will turn out... perfect.
     Don't you think our Enemy looks on, nodding his approval, knowing we will fail, happy to see us striving in our own power?  

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13 NKJV

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV

     Thanks Lord for the reminder.  In all I do, in all that You have set before me, help me to focus on YOU as the source of my strength and power.  Help me when I've had all I can take.  Lift me up.  Renew my strength.  Help me stay the course.  Give me patience, perseverance, endurance to run this race.  For when I am weak, yet trusting in You and Your power, then I am strong.

Hot Chocolate Pudding -- One Way to Use Up Hot Chocolate Packets

     Last year, I put all our hot chocolate packets in a ziploc bag and put them in the freezer.  One thing is guaranteed:  If you put hot chocolate in the freezer, no one will drink it because they won't remember it is there! I have somehow ended up with WAY too much hot chocolate.
     Yesterday, I decided it was time to use up all those little packets.  It's too hot in Houston to drink hot chocolate in October, sadly, so I did some online searching to try to discover other ways to use it up.  For whatever reason, I thought it would be cool to make pudding out of it.  I couldn't find a recipe so I made one up, and well, it passed the Mullin boys' taste test so here it is.

Jenny's Homemade Hot Chocolate Pudding

5 packets of hot chocolate (I used Swiss Miss Dark Chocolate Sensations)
4 heaping tblsp. All Purpose Flour
dash of salt
2 cups milk (I used 1 cup whole, 1 cup 1%)
1 tblsp. butter
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix hot chocolate powder, flour, and salt in a saucepan.  Over medium heat, whisk in milk.  Stir continually (about 12-15 minutes) over medium heat with whisk or spoon.  When thickened, stir for 2 or 3 minutes longer and then remove from heat.  Whisk in butter and vanilla.  Pour into little bowls (or one big one), cover with plastic wrap with the wrap touching the pudding to keep a hard "crust/skin" from forming on top, and chill.

     Easy!  No added sugar.  Delicious!  I doubled the recipe and added crushed Oreos on top for lunch at church and came home with an empty bowl!  I see lots of pudding in our future.  Yep, we have lots of hot chocolate packets in the freezer!